This has to be the most devastating thing I have EVER experienced as a cat owner. I have never seen a disease do so much damage , so fast, yet be so elusive to properly diagnose as it hides behind symptoms common to other infections and viruses.

We have had 2 cats, a sweet momma Samantha and my bigg boy, Elwood (who lost his littermate Jake at 3 yrs old to a neighborhood pitt bull attack), Sam had not been fixed , as Elwood had, and ended up pregnant last year. She had several babies but we kept 2, Tigger and Baby. Due to us having to move at an inopportune time, we had to let friends watch the cats while we settled in our place. Unfortunately, my friends husband is not a believer of animals in the house and pushed the cats outside without his wifes knowledge one night. This resulted in the pregnancy of ALL 3 females.

By the time we knew, the pregnancies were in their end term. Sam had hers, then Baby, and one week later, Tigger. Sam being an experienced momma took great pride in her little troop and they were all so fat their tummies were droopy and almost touching the floor!!! Baby was very , very scared of having the babies and her first Baloo (black f), we found cold and wet in the floor at 6am. She was able to be warmed and we helped her with the rest of the birthing. Sadly, she abandoned them a week later, the DAY Tigger gave birth. Tigger for some reason was like an old pro, and promtly rescued the 3 her sister had given up, totalling her crew to a hefty 7! We had Sushi (blue pt siamese f), Baloo (solid black f), and Hope (striped gray/black f) from the abandoned bunch and then Poncho (blue pt siamese m), Cisco (blue point siamese m), Xavier (long haired gray/white m). Elly Mae (tiny little gray/white f) all nursing poor Tigger…fighting, clawing and meowong but she never acted like it was supposed to be any other way.

What happened then was so strange, but cats do bizzare things…. Baby became fixated with her mothers kittens, Rusty (solid orange m), Prince Yuki (gray/white/black striper m), and Shadow (gray striper m) and groomed, and nursed those kittens even after abandoning hers only days before. Sam took it as help and enjoyed sharing the duties with her daughter. All seemed to be working out in our large, but content troop.

Now, the sad part of my tale….. we had moved in with my aunt and uncle and they had no children, adopting instead a large raggedy band of their own kitty’s. All from broken, horrible, and disfunctional situations…each with a unique story of its own. So the fact that I had such a large group was in no way out of the ordinary or a problem. They had custom built a HUGE enclosure, spanning the entire length of their home in the front, for the cats to enjoy sun, breeze, bugs, and lizards…stretching in the warmth of a morning or sleeping away a rainy afternoon. We knew the cats we had were welcome and well cared for in this loving environment. But when Hope got sick….the sadness of the thought of losing her was evident on all our faces.

She was the tiniest of all the babies and seemed a bit undernourished, so we began supplemental feedings of KMR, including the rest of the troop since Tigger was feeding so many anyway. She perked up at first but then began sleeping alone, not having a good appetite and dehydrating. After seperating her from her littermates and exclusively feeding her round the clock myself, I noticed other signs…ragged, laboured breathing, rapid heart, and pitiful “somethings not right” meows from her tiny little body. We took her to the vet, as she seemed to never want to do much more than sleep.

They checked her for parasites by fecal exam, and decided it could be anemia..gave her antibiotics, steroids, sub- q-taneous fluids under the skin instead of by IV), told me to keep up my work but to not hope for too much as she was severely underweight and very ill. The steroids gave a tiny perk to her mood and she actually was playing in my hair that next morning. By that night though, we were back at square 1 and fading fast. She died that day at 4 am and I cried myself to sleep thinking I had failed her in some way.

Several weeks went on and we began to notice Prince Yuki, one of Sams litter, was not playing and being his typical rowdy self. He was exibiting similar signs but not near the severity as Hope. I wanted to believe it was probably worms, but a nagging voice in my head said “check him out…” They say if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and smells like a duck…well, you know the answer! We took him in to the doctor just today and explained to our vet that he was doing the same thing that Hope had but not as badly yet. She did the same tests and was thinking he possibly had a heart condition , when my uncle said “have you checked for Feline Leukemia?” Our vet had a look like..”why didnt I think of that..?” She whisked him away and within minutes came back with a grim and sunken look on her face. As she handed him to my waiting arms, the words spilled out..”positive sweetie, Im so sorry..”

My uncle put his arms around me as my body was wracked with huge sobs and the urge to scream WHY??? ran thru my body. I didnt want to believe it and the thought of ALL the cats exposed in our house began to run thru my heart and mind. I cannot tell you the reall amount of fear that those few words brought to mind. This disease is such a terrible killer and works silently, dragging its victims down to die right before your eyes. I knew we had an even more grim task ahead of us, all those precious babies to bring in tomorrow to be tested..how many am I going to lose? How many are infected? How many adults? Who will I not be feeling asleep in my arms by the following evening? I have mothered these babies with all the love and passion I would give a human child and losing them hurts equally as bad. They are our confidants when NO ONE else listens, our friends for late night movies and helpers to finish that last bit of tuna sandwich at lunch or drop of milk from our morning cereal bowls. They are our second shadows and our most devoted snuggle buddies…how could we NOT be broken in two when they are taken too soon from our lives.

As I finish this, I look over at the wriggling mass of babies that I know may not be there again the next time I look tomorrow. The tears are streaming down my face and I am struggling to type. I do NOT want to lose my new friends or give up my old ones…it makes me sooo mad and sad at the same time.

Please pray for me as I have a walk I do not wish to take, but a necessary one for the safety of others. We are taking Elwood, Sam, Tigger, Baby, Baloo, Sushi, Xavier, Elly Mae, Poncho, Cisco, Rusty and Shadow at 2;30 in the afternoon for their tests. I dread what I already know is a one way trip for some…… I sure do wish my friends husband realised when he let my babies outside, he exposed them to their deaths ….I can never tell him but it is in the back of my mind none the less. I wish I had known more about this disease and had thought to check them before bringing them to my aunts home and exposing her’ children’.

I don’t know if I can sleep as I am too deep in thought of tomorrows heartache…I only pray we can stop this before it claims too many lives and hope someone , some day can find a cure. Thank you for reading my story..it helped in some small way to share all this with another.